Unlocking the Hidden Power of Emotions: Why Every Feeling Matters
Have you ever wondered why we experience emotions in the first place? If emotions weren't meant to be part of our lives, why would they exist?
Every aspect of our human functioning serves a purpose, aiding our survival in various ways. Yet, our culture often encourages us to avoid difficult emotions. As mental health practices become more mainstream, I hope this norm is shifting, but there's still a long way to go before we fully embrace the wide range of human emotions.
What Do Emotions Do for Us?
Let's delve into the role of emotions in our lives. In Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT), clients learn that every emotion has a function and a place, even the difficult ones. If we were meant to feel nothing but joy and gratitude every day, we would. Here are three important, yet often overlooked, functions that our emotions serve:
1. Motivate Behavior and Prepare Us for Action
Emotions drive our actions and prepare us to respond to the world around us. Consider the following examples:
Anger: We all know the feeling of anger. It's highly mobilizing, flooding our bodies with adrenaline and cortisol, preparing us for physical action. This can help us fight back or stand up for ourselves when we perceive harm.
Anxiety: Anxiety combines adrenaline and cortisol to give us the energy and motivation to tackle tasks, overcome fears, or address what scares us.
Guilt: Guilt regulates our behavior, keeping us aligned with societal norms and our personal values. It often prevents us from engaging in actions we might consider immoral or against our beliefs.
Fear: In dangerous situations, like a house fire, fear motivates us to seek safety.
Sadness: If you lost a child or pet, sadness would drive you to search for them. This emotion helps us mourn or grieve significant losses, motivating us to take necessary actions.
Love: Bonding with important people in our lives—friends, spouses, or children—is driven by love. Without this bond, survival and thriving would be much harder, especially for vulnerable individuals like babies.
2. Communicate to Others
Expressing emotions is crucial for conveying messages to others. Much of our communication happens through facial expressions and body language, facilitated by mirror neurons in our brains. These neurons help us attune to and respond to others, such as involuntarily smiling back at a baby.
However, many people struggle with expressing emotions like sadness accurately. They might exhibit a neutral expression or laugh when discussing something painful. This difficulty often stems from being raised in invalidating environments. If we can't convey emotions like sadness, we may not receive the support or comfort we need from others.
3. Communicate to Ourselves
Emotions provide vital information about our perception of situations. They aren't always a clear reflection of reality but can be spot-on, offering insights into what might need attention in our lives.
Consider these examples from clients:
"My girlfriend and I are fighting every day. I don't know why I feel so anxious."
"I just had a baby, and instead of feeling happy, I feel so sad."
"My dad died suddenly a couple of months ago, and I feel a constant sense of dread. It makes no sense!"
We've labeled emotions as good or bad, welcoming some (joy, happiness) while rejecting others (fear, sadness). I encourage clients to view emotions like hunger, signaling when something needs attention. Emotions might indicate the need for a change to bring more balance to life. Do you need to end a relationship? See friends more often? Take time to grieve after a loss?
Embrace the Information in Your Emotions
Difficult emotions aren't always comfortable, but they carry valuable information. Trying to numb or block them out means missing opportunities for growth and understanding. Embrace your emotions and listen to what they might be telling you about your life and what needs to change.
