Not at all! I’ve worked with many couples who are quite happy and have every intention of staying together, but simply want a little extra help working through a perpetual issue in their relationship (e.g., cleaning, finances, sex, etc.). Alternatively, they may want a bit of extra support before embarking on a major life transition, like a move or having children.

For couples who are in more distress, there is lots of hope for you too! In fact, it takes most couples six years of struggle on average before seeking professional help. We’ll work on understanding what core needs are not being met, where communication is going awry, and how to navigate conflict in a way that helps you both get the outcome you want - a deeper sense of connection.

In couples and family work, it is essential to have a ‘No Secrets’ policy. This means, if you tell me something in secrecy, I cannot keep this information confidential from your partner. This protects the integrity of the relationship with ALL parties, ensures I’m not unfairly forming an alliance with anyone, and ultimately makes our work as successful as possible. We will review this more in our first session together.

Couples’ work is about getting out of the “blame game” and moving away from condemning, belittling, and criticizing each other. Assigning blame is rarely helpful as most relationship issues are perpetuated and maintained by all parties in the relationship. I know relationships take hard work and are constantly evolving. Couples’ work can help you hold each other accountable for your role in the chaos, and move toward healing.

I’ll take some time getting to know you and your relationship dynamics. Together we’ll explore some questions designed to get a deeper understanding of the history and root of the problem. We may work on some exercises designed to help you communicate better in between sessions. I may leave you with some homework to tackle in between sessions as well.

If for whatever reason, couples counseling is terminated and one of you wants to continue individual counseling with me, I can see you individually, provided that both partners are aware of and agree to this arrangement.

If you would like to resume couples’ work at some point in the future, it is typically best for me to refer you to another couple clinician. This is because I will have likely developed a deeper relationship with you and it would be difficult to be unbiased after being so partial to your perspective. This would be unfair to you and your partner!